[Please note: I’m only allowed to share the scripts of these spots and can’t identify the client’s location.]
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Most people mistrust used car sales operations, often with good reason. Many use high-pressure tactics to sell substandard vehicles at inflated prices. Aubrey’s wanted to use humorous depictions of customers’ worst fears to differentiate itself from the stereotypes.
:60 “BLACK HELICOPTER”
[MUSIC UNDER: CAR-LOT MUZAK THROUGH OUTDOOR SPEAKERS]
[SFX UNDER: HELICOPTER HOVERING]
WOMAN (ANNIE POTTS TYPE):
That black helicopter’s been following me ever since I set foot on this used car lot.
[SFX UP: HELICOPTER]
ROBOTIC WOMAN’S VOICE, THROUGH OUTDOOR SPEAKERS:
Alert. Alert. Intruder. Intruder.
WOMAN:
This is creeping me out.
[SFX: AIR RAID SIREN UP; POLICE CAR SIREN, SCREECHING TIRES AS A VEHICLE STOPS, TWO CAR-DOOR SLAMS]
MALE VOICES ON BULLHORNS, SHOUTING:
You! You over there! Welcome to Shady Fred’s Used Car Sales. Step away from the vehicle!
WOMAN, PANICKED:
I’ve got to get out of here.
[SFX: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]
WOMAN:
Whew! That was close! I don’t care if I ever buy a car. I’m not going through that again.
ANNOUNCER:
The average used car lot treats you like an intruder. Want to feel like a customer instead? Come to Aubrey’s Motors. No hassle. No hurry. No black helicopters. See us at the corner of 44th and Harrison.
[MUSIC AND AIR RAID SIREN OUT]
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:60 “SIMBA THE LION”
[MUSIC UNDER: CAR-LOT MUZAK THROUGH OUTDOOR SPEAKERS]
MAN/SALES:
Welcome to Shady Fred’s Used Car Sales. Let me know if you see something you like.
[SFX: LION ROARING]
WOMAN/CUSTOMER:
Is it safe out here?
MAN/SALES:
Oh, sure. That’s just Simba. He won’t bother you.
WOMAN/CUSTOMER:
He looks hungry.
[SFX: LION ROARING]
MAN/SALES:
Yeah, it’s close to his lunchtime. Don’t worry about it.
WOMAN/CUSTOMER:
I just want to look for a car.
MAN/SALES:
Excuse me. [OFF MIKE] Hey, Larry, we’ve got fresh meat over here.
[SFX: LION ROARING]
WOMAN/CUSTOMER:
Wait, I thought you said it was safe.
MAN/SALES:
Oh, sure! Do you like this black sedan?
[SFX LION ROARING]
WOMAN/CUSTOMER:
Never mind. I don’t need a car that badly!
VO:
The average used car lot treats you like fresh meat. Want to feel like a customer instead? Come to Aubrey’s Motors. No hassle. No hurry. No lions. See us at the corner of 44th and Harrison.
——————–
:60 “SHADY FRED’S MANIFESTO”
[MUSIC UNDER: CAR-LOT MUZAK THROUGH OUTDOOR SPEAKERS]
MAN/UNCTUOUS:
Welcome to Shady Fred’s Used Car Sales. I’m Shady Fred.
MAN 2/FILTERED, LIKE A TELEPHONE VOICE:
You want a truck? Nah. This nice subcompact will do you just fine.
MAN/UNCTUOUS:
My salespeople get one minute and twenty-three seconds to force you to buy a completely unsuitable vehicle.
WOMAN 1/FILTERED, LIKE A TELEPHONE VOICE:
Credit problems? We have a great buy-here, pay-here plan. Let me introduce you to our sales manager.
MAN/UNCTUOUS:
Loan sharks are jealous of my financing rates.
MAN 3/FILTERED, LIKE A TELEPHONE VOICE:
Water damage? No way. This car’s a beauty!
MAN/UNCTUOUS:
I can sell you anything. Soaked in a flood, bad transmission, bent frame, you name it.
I mean, it’s a used car. What do you expect?
VO:
The average used car lot sells you shady vehicles for too much money. Want to feel like a customer again? Come to Aubrey’s Motors. No hassle. No hurry. No ripoff. See us at the corner of 44th and Harrison.